of soaring & dreaming

July 22, 2008

Panic attack? Or was it?

I was walking the other day in Bangkok (Silom-Surawong area) under the mighty heat of the sun, when suddenly I felt something like a “panic attack”. I was not afraid or anything like that, it was just some kind of feeling which I could not control. You see, I have been walking for quite a distance looking for an address and, because I have not been in the area for a loooong time, I sort of underestimated the distance from the Chong Nonsi BTS station to the Mahesak-Surawong road.

There are times when reality strikes me that I have been living somewhere out there in the middle of nowhere, farther than the ‘burbs, even. So during those once in a blue moon occasions when I do get to step into the city, literally on my own two feet hmmmm…I try not to be obvious about it but I get affected by all the heat, noise, pollution, busyness of people etc. That’s because I am so used to living in the same area as where I work. And also because every time I go to Bangkok I drag my dear hubby with me so I have a free ride. But this time I was on my own, using public transpo and my own two feet. But I digress.

So about the “panic attack”. It was already past lunch time and I did not have lunch yet. But I have my lunch with me. I just did not have the chance to eat it yet. So probably because of the heat and tiredness from all that walking, and the noise around me, I just felt panicky. I just remembered thinking it was so hot and what if my blood pressure increased. And suddenly I just felt hot and tingling. I prayed silently to God for protection and to heal me from what I was feeling. I turned and walked back and went inside the first building I saw nearby, just to keep calm and cool down. While walking I was thinking that what if I collapsed there on the road or lost my bearings, and the police and media would come and it would be in the news and … whoa!

So when I went into the building, I asked the guard if he knew the address I was looking for, just to show I have a reason to go in. Actually I just wanted to rest inside. So I asked permission if I could stop a while to rest and eat my food (red bean pandan bread). Good I have this and a bottle of water with me. I think that I was just exhausted and was not used to walking in not so clean air. Anyway, I called the person I intended to meet for a clearer direction. I should have called earlier before walking that far.

I don't mind the heat if I were on a beach like this (Taringting, Antique province)

I don't mind the heat if I were on a beach like this (Taringting, Antique province)

After recovering from that strange feeling earlier, I went out to catch a taxi and finally I got to the place. It was not that far actually from where I stopped earlier. But because I had to take a taxi and the place is on a one way street, we had to make one whole round to get there.

I was thankful that the people I met were kind and goodhearted, and nobody took advantage of me. Thank God that He is always with me wherever I go, protecting and keeping me safe.

July 15, 2008

spicy thai food

Filed under: Life stuff — carnationzky @ 12:46 pm
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just finished dinner. and my tongue and lips are burning!!! we ordered thai food and forgot to mention “not spicy” except for the somtam (papaya salad). the other two, i.e. namtok kai tot (chopped fried chicken in roasted rice grains, spicy sauce and herbs) and tom sep (soup with pork balls, mushroom, lemon grass,  mint leaves, spices) were so fiery spicy…huthssss … i have a reason to eat some chocolates coz my tongue is burning, and i told my hubby that maybe my mouth is burned hmmmm … but after everything, i can still stay food was yummy. that’s what makes eating thai food fun …

July 10, 2008

Slow week

Filed under: Life stuff,Work life — carnationzky @ 8:52 am
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I mentioned to my colleague today that this week has been going quite slower compared to the previous weeks. Dunno why, just a feeling maybe. But work has not slowed down. Still maybe there is not much pressure. Sabai sabai, as they say in Thai. Will see what the weekend holds. The following week we only have 3 working days as there is a long weekend due to a religious festival here. My husband and I were discussing where to go but since we are going to Singapore end of this month, we decided to just stay and rest. Take things easy. I bet not. There are lots of things to do. In and out of the office. So let’s see what happens.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

July 9, 2008

Feeling something

I feel something here where I am… Is it embarrassment? Disappointment? Shame? Sadness? Rejection? Something like the carpet being removed from under my feet. Couldn’t really put a finger to it. I could not voice it out. I just want to curl up and cry. My face might break. Oh God, let me look up to You for strength to battle this one out. Maybe this is just a humbling experience. This happens. Kulabog! Never again. To trust. Better keep to myself. I should have known. But I never learn. I just keep giving. But the world just keeps getting. Until you are drained. And nobody cares.

Sakit lang buut ko … mapatawhay run lang ta gani.

July 7, 2008

Be Happy. Not? Be?

Filed under: Spiritual,Work life — carnationzky @ 9:51 am
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Some changes are occurring in the workplace. Can’t say I am overjoyed with the turn out. I want out actually but the wisest thing to do now is to wait it out. Hmmm lots of outs here. Some say just be happy with your lot. My mind tells me something. But what is God saying? Glorify God in whatever you do. Wherever you are. So I think as long as I am here I just have to do my best, until that best won’t be good enough for all concerned. That depends on what standard they will base it on. I think when that time comes, God will make a way for me so that I can continue doing my best, for Him. Be it here still, or somewhere else. I have to keep my eyes, heart and ears open for His green light.

On Sunday

Filed under: Spiritual — carnationzky @ 5:26 am
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I love Sundays because I can go to church and have that special  time with the Lord, worshiping Him together with other like-minded people. It gives me a special high, especially when I come with my heart open to what He has to show and teach me. Everyday with Him is also special, of course. But Sundays rank high up there. Especially when the spirit of worship continues even way beyond the praise and worship time. It continues even when we listen to a spirit-filled preacher, who shares God’s word with conviction and love. Even beyond with a wonderful challenge of living a life worthy of the Lord. However, the worshipful attitude sometimes becomes affected when you get somebody preaching about something that confuses. Then the question arises whether this person is really filled by God’s spirit, and why does he confuse instead of give light? Especially when a preacher says that he/she lost his/her notes, and couldn’t becoherent about the topic. Just like the other Sunday. Hmmmm … just shows something. Anyway, last Sunday, i.e. yesterday, was a good one here in our church. We had this preacher who is well seasoned and well prepared that every time he comes to preach I really get encouraged and challenged to live life as God wants. He also challenges me to look at my life and see what else I have withheld from the Lord’s sharpening and polishing. I do hope we get more devoted people like him who comes with a heart to share God’s heart with us.

July 4, 2008

The wisdom verse

Filed under: Life stuff,Spiritual,Work life — carnationzky @ 3:32 am
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Photo courtesy of Nonoy Nietes

A timely verse for me here in the workplace. Lord, yes, please give me wisdom so I will know how to deal with difficulties and complications that arise as I do my work here in the office. Help me to be Christlike in my reactions and responses to harassment and other forms of oppression. I thank You for Your presence that reminds me to look up and soar beyond the situation, and to see the big picture. Thank you, Lord, for life is not just confined within the four walls of this office. There is a higher calling, and I need your wisdom to guide my thoughts so I will not be bogged down by the mundane things of everyday life. Open my eyes and heart to the many opportunities to bring glory to You by living as You want me to. Thank You that I am not alone here. You are with me.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting,for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways, will receive anything from the Lord”.James 1:5-8

July 1, 2008

Spain won!

Filed under: Sports — carnationzky @ 6:08 am
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I was not able to finish watching the match early Monday morning as I was soooo very sleepy. But I am sure glad I was able to watch that one goal made by Torres which made Spain the champions of Euro 2008! And after 4 decades of being nothing, they have finally done it! Good job. You might be asking what is it to me if they won? Well, I just liked the way they play. They are so passionate about it! Indeed, they deserve to win!  Alas most people here do not share my enthusiasm but it’s good my husband shares the same interest. So I am already happy with that! Congratulations to all the whole team and to the fans!

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