of soaring & dreaming

September 23, 2008

My bad dream experience …

Filed under: family,Life stuff,Spiritual — carnationzky @ 6:20 am
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with my nephew, niece and sis (cottage on top of a hill)

with my nephew, niece and sis (cottage on top of a hill)

Last weekend early morning I woke up from a bad dream. It was bad in a way because in that dream I felt fear. The scene was in one of the bedrooms in the basement of our house in Antique. We were on the bed facing the window and I saw somebody through the glass. I remember every time we slept in our basement we always had this fear of somebody looking in from the outside. It is because the upper half of the room is on the ground, making the window on ground level, and the lower half of the room is in the ground. Although there are metal grills in between each window pane, the thought of somebody intruding into our space and watching us un-noticed is so frightening. So anyway, in this dream I felt the same fear and I suddenly woke up. When I woke up the feeling in the dream was still with me and at first I thought I was really in our house there in Antique. But in fact I was in our small flat in ST6 at AIT. After realizing this, I told myself that here in the flat I was not facing any window similar to our house and so it could not be true that there was somebody as in my dream. But the fear was still there and I thought maybe there was somebody in the room. By that time I was already fully awake and realized that it could not be true! Then the fear was gone. I sat up and prayed for God’s protection and to completely remove any fear or any bad thought from my mind and heart. And then I prayed for everyone at home, especially for my parents who are still staying in our house, and my sister and her family who are living just next door. In fact the window in my dream faces my sister’s house.

key and yian showing his artwork

key and 22 yian showing his artwork

Always when I wake up from a bad dream, I would pray, because I know that there is something or someone God wants me to pray for. Usually I would pray for the people present in my dream, or the places or situations that appear in the dream. And in this instance I knew God wanted me to pray for my family. This conviction strengthened when later in the day I got a message from my parents that my nephew who lives next door was rushed to the hospital at around 3 am or so, at the same time that I was having that bad dream. It was raining so hard there. My nephew could not breathe and he said he felt so tired. So they got very nervous and rushed him to the emergency room. Apparently he fell at school and ate some canned goods which triggered an allergy attack, along with too much sweat which dried on him. His bronchial tubes were almost closed that was why he had difficulty breathing. Thank God they were able to bring him quickly to the hospital, which is just nearby, and he was given oxygen ASAP.

some of yian's clay artworks

some of yian's clay artworks

Now he is recovering, with still a dextrose attached to him. My Dad said that three men had to hold him down while the dextrose was being attached because he was resisting as he did not want it. Who would? And he was screaming, “Mommy, I do not love you anymore!” The hospital staff were all surprised as he was screaming in English. At least it’s something we can all laugh about now after the storm has passed. We keep praying for his complete recovery.

August 27, 2008

The Shack, a good read

Filed under: Life stuff,Spiritual — carnationzky @ 3:02 am
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Finally, I finished reading The Shack, a book which I bought last July in Singapore. It took me some time to finish it as it is not just an ordinary novel. It is something that touches the heart deeply, and more. When we were in Singapore, we wanted to go to a Christian Bookstore but were not able to. We were at the Raffles Center when we saw the sign for a bookstore, just a general one. Bookworms as we are, we could not resist going into a bookstore whenever we see one. Harder still is to resist not buying, but alas, every time there is always one interesting book we could not stop buying. So there we went to the basement to check this one out. And I was hoping that it would be just like the mainstream bookstores in the Philippines where they have all the genres, even Christian books. Thus I found this book, The Shack, displayed at the entrance. What perked my interest was the comment on the back cover that this book could be to our generation what John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress was to his, according to Eugene Peterson (Translator, The Message).

Reading The Shack brought tears to my eyes and challenged and affirmed my own belief in God. I was touched with so many scenes and situations described in the book. They were written in such a way that made me think of my own life and convictions. It was able to emphasize the very nature of God, a loving Creator, personal, detailed, all knowing.

For more about this book, please go to http://www.theshackbook.com.

July 22, 2008

Panic attack? Or was it?

I was walking the other day in Bangkok (Silom-Surawong area) under the mighty heat of the sun, when suddenly I felt something like a “panic attack”. I was not afraid or anything like that, it was just some kind of feeling which I could not control. You see, I have been walking for quite a distance looking for an address and, because I have not been in the area for a loooong time, I sort of underestimated the distance from the Chong Nonsi BTS station to the Mahesak-Surawong road.

There are times when reality strikes me that I have been living somewhere out there in the middle of nowhere, farther than the ‘burbs, even. So during those once in a blue moon occasions when I do get to step into the city, literally on my own two feet hmmmm…I try not to be obvious about it but I get affected by all the heat, noise, pollution, busyness of people etc. That’s because I am so used to living in the same area as where I work. And also because every time I go to Bangkok I drag my dear hubby with me so I have a free ride. But this time I was on my own, using public transpo and my own two feet. But I digress.

So about the “panic attack”. It was already past lunch time and I did not have lunch yet. But I have my lunch with me. I just did not have the chance to eat it yet. So probably because of the heat and tiredness from all that walking, and the noise around me, I just felt panicky. I just remembered thinking it was so hot and what if my blood pressure increased. And suddenly I just felt hot and tingling. I prayed silently to God for protection and to heal me from what I was feeling. I turned and walked back and went inside the first building I saw nearby, just to keep calm and cool down. While walking I was thinking that what if I collapsed there on the road or lost my bearings, and the police and media would come and it would be in the news and … whoa!

So when I went into the building, I asked the guard if he knew the address I was looking for, just to show I have a reason to go in. Actually I just wanted to rest inside. So I asked permission if I could stop a while to rest and eat my food (red bean pandan bread). Good I have this and a bottle of water with me. I think that I was just exhausted and was not used to walking in not so clean air. Anyway, I called the person I intended to meet for a clearer direction. I should have called earlier before walking that far.

I don't mind the heat if I were on a beach like this (Taringting, Antique province)

I don't mind the heat if I were on a beach like this (Taringting, Antique province)

After recovering from that strange feeling earlier, I went out to catch a taxi and finally I got to the place. It was not that far actually from where I stopped earlier. But because I had to take a taxi and the place is on a one way street, we had to make one whole round to get there.

I was thankful that the people I met were kind and goodhearted, and nobody took advantage of me. Thank God that He is always with me wherever I go, protecting and keeping me safe.

July 9, 2008

Feeling something

I feel something here where I am… Is it embarrassment? Disappointment? Shame? Sadness? Rejection? Something like the carpet being removed from under my feet. Couldn’t really put a finger to it. I could not voice it out. I just want to curl up and cry. My face might break. Oh God, let me look up to You for strength to battle this one out. Maybe this is just a humbling experience. This happens. Kulabog! Never again. To trust. Better keep to myself. I should have known. But I never learn. I just keep giving. But the world just keeps getting. Until you are drained. And nobody cares.

Sakit lang buut ko … mapatawhay run lang ta gani.

July 7, 2008

Be Happy. Not? Be?

Filed under: Spiritual,Work life — carnationzky @ 9:51 am
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Some changes are occurring in the workplace. Can’t say I am overjoyed with the turn out. I want out actually but the wisest thing to do now is to wait it out. Hmmm lots of outs here. Some say just be happy with your lot. My mind tells me something. But what is God saying? Glorify God in whatever you do. Wherever you are. So I think as long as I am here I just have to do my best, until that best won’t be good enough for all concerned. That depends on what standard they will base it on. I think when that time comes, God will make a way for me so that I can continue doing my best, for Him. Be it here still, or somewhere else. I have to keep my eyes, heart and ears open for His green light.

On Sunday

Filed under: Spiritual — carnationzky @ 5:26 am
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I love Sundays because I can go to church and have that special  time with the Lord, worshiping Him together with other like-minded people. It gives me a special high, especially when I come with my heart open to what He has to show and teach me. Everyday with Him is also special, of course. But Sundays rank high up there. Especially when the spirit of worship continues even way beyond the praise and worship time. It continues even when we listen to a spirit-filled preacher, who shares God’s word with conviction and love. Even beyond with a wonderful challenge of living a life worthy of the Lord. However, the worshipful attitude sometimes becomes affected when you get somebody preaching about something that confuses. Then the question arises whether this person is really filled by God’s spirit, and why does he confuse instead of give light? Especially when a preacher says that he/she lost his/her notes, and couldn’t becoherent about the topic. Just like the other Sunday. Hmmmm … just shows something. Anyway, last Sunday, i.e. yesterday, was a good one here in our church. We had this preacher who is well seasoned and well prepared that every time he comes to preach I really get encouraged and challenged to live life as God wants. He also challenges me to look at my life and see what else I have withheld from the Lord’s sharpening and polishing. I do hope we get more devoted people like him who comes with a heart to share God’s heart with us.

July 4, 2008

The wisdom verse

Filed under: Life stuff,Spiritual,Work life — carnationzky @ 3:32 am
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Photo courtesy of Nonoy Nietes

A timely verse for me here in the workplace. Lord, yes, please give me wisdom so I will know how to deal with difficulties and complications that arise as I do my work here in the office. Help me to be Christlike in my reactions and responses to harassment and other forms of oppression. I thank You for Your presence that reminds me to look up and soar beyond the situation, and to see the big picture. Thank you, Lord, for life is not just confined within the four walls of this office. There is a higher calling, and I need your wisdom to guide my thoughts so I will not be bogged down by the mundane things of everyday life. Open my eyes and heart to the many opportunities to bring glory to You by living as You want me to. Thank You that I am not alone here. You are with me.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting,for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways, will receive anything from the Lord”.James 1:5-8

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