of soaring & dreaming

October 1, 2008

It’s October already!!!

stirling, scotland

stirling, scotland

October is the month I love the most! Because this is my birth month. And, ehems … I have a secret as well related to October. But I think that secret is not bloggable so I won’t write about it here. Not yet. Anyway, October was already my favorite even before that secret 🙂 So ok, it will be my birthday soon. I will be counting and adding another year to my age. Just a number. Well, what do you think? When I was in high  school I had a classmate who was born on the same day. Her name is Pansang, nickname for Esperanza. Such a nice name. She is a sweet girl with a nice singing voice. Always smiling, with a delightful laugh. I remember her clearly ‘coz we have the same birthday.

Christmas away from home...

Christmas away from home...

So back to the month of October. I know I am a bit late about this but I want to write about it just now, since it is October. It is now the “…ber” months, and in the Philippines, it signals that Christmas is approaching. Actually starting in September, people start doing some Christmas stuff already, i.e.  playing carols, writing gift lists, practicing for Christmas shows, etc. Even though I am not in the Philippines now I can still celebrate Christmas. I have learned a long time ago that it is not in the decorations and the trimmings, but in the heart, in knowing the truth of Christmas, that we can feel the true essence of the season. So no matter where I am I can still feel the spirit and joy of Christmas. It’s of course fun and nice to be with family and friends and especially to be in the Philippines at Christmas time. No doubt about that.

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

In temperate parts of the world October is the start of autumn/fall season, when the leaves change into a variety of colors. It is a nice sight and gives one a feeling of awe and amazement. When I first experienced that in Scotland it gave me a feeling of peace and silent joy! And it was good since in Scotland it was so cold and sometimes dark but the colors bring some brightness to each day. This is God’s way of saying that despite the dump there is something brighter; despite the despair there is hope, always.

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August 27, 2008

The Shack, a good read

Filed under: Life stuff,Spiritual — carnationzky @ 3:02 am
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Finally, I finished reading The Shack, a book which I bought last July in Singapore. It took me some time to finish it as it is not just an ordinary novel. It is something that touches the heart deeply, and more. When we were in Singapore, we wanted to go to a Christian Bookstore but were not able to. We were at the Raffles Center when we saw the sign for a bookstore, just a general one. Bookworms as we are, we could not resist going into a bookstore whenever we see one. Harder still is to resist not buying, but alas, every time there is always one interesting book we could not stop buying. So there we went to the basement to check this one out. And I was hoping that it would be just like the mainstream bookstores in the Philippines where they have all the genres, even Christian books. Thus I found this book, The Shack, displayed at the entrance. What perked my interest was the comment on the back cover that this book could be to our generation what John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress was to his, according to Eugene Peterson (Translator, The Message).

Reading The Shack brought tears to my eyes and challenged and affirmed my own belief in God. I was touched with so many scenes and situations described in the book. They were written in such a way that made me think of my own life and convictions. It was able to emphasize the very nature of God, a loving Creator, personal, detailed, all knowing.

For more about this book, please go to http://www.theshackbook.com.

July 22, 2008

Panic attack? Or was it?

I was walking the other day in Bangkok (Silom-Surawong area) under the mighty heat of the sun, when suddenly I felt something like a “panic attack”. I was not afraid or anything like that, it was just some kind of feeling which I could not control. You see, I have been walking for quite a distance looking for an address and, because I have not been in the area for a loooong time, I sort of underestimated the distance from the Chong Nonsi BTS station to the Mahesak-Surawong road.

There are times when reality strikes me that I have been living somewhere out there in the middle of nowhere, farther than the ‘burbs, even. So during those once in a blue moon occasions when I do get to step into the city, literally on my own two feet hmmmm…I try not to be obvious about it but I get affected by all the heat, noise, pollution, busyness of people etc. That’s because I am so used to living in the same area as where I work. And also because every time I go to Bangkok I drag my dear hubby with me so I have a free ride. But this time I was on my own, using public transpo and my own two feet. But I digress.

So about the “panic attack”. It was already past lunch time and I did not have lunch yet. But I have my lunch with me. I just did not have the chance to eat it yet. So probably because of the heat and tiredness from all that walking, and the noise around me, I just felt panicky. I just remembered thinking it was so hot and what if my blood pressure increased. And suddenly I just felt hot and tingling. I prayed silently to God for protection and to heal me from what I was feeling. I turned and walked back and went inside the first building I saw nearby, just to keep calm and cool down. While walking I was thinking that what if I collapsed there on the road or lost my bearings, and the police and media would come and it would be in the news and … whoa!

So when I went into the building, I asked the guard if he knew the address I was looking for, just to show I have a reason to go in. Actually I just wanted to rest inside. So I asked permission if I could stop a while to rest and eat my food (red bean pandan bread). Good I have this and a bottle of water with me. I think that I was just exhausted and was not used to walking in not so clean air. Anyway, I called the person I intended to meet for a clearer direction. I should have called earlier before walking that far.

I don't mind the heat if I were on a beach like this (Taringting, Antique province)

I don't mind the heat if I were on a beach like this (Taringting, Antique province)

After recovering from that strange feeling earlier, I went out to catch a taxi and finally I got to the place. It was not that far actually from where I stopped earlier. But because I had to take a taxi and the place is on a one way street, we had to make one whole round to get there.

I was thankful that the people I met were kind and goodhearted, and nobody took advantage of me. Thank God that He is always with me wherever I go, protecting and keeping me safe.

July 9, 2008

Feeling something

I feel something here where I am… Is it embarrassment? Disappointment? Shame? Sadness? Rejection? Something like the carpet being removed from under my feet. Couldn’t really put a finger to it. I could not voice it out. I just want to curl up and cry. My face might break. Oh God, let me look up to You for strength to battle this one out. Maybe this is just a humbling experience. This happens. Kulabog! Never again. To trust. Better keep to myself. I should have known. But I never learn. I just keep giving. But the world just keeps getting. Until you are drained. And nobody cares.

Sakit lang buut ko … mapatawhay run lang ta gani.

July 7, 2008

Be Happy. Not? Be?

Filed under: Spiritual,Work life — carnationzky @ 9:51 am
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Some changes are occurring in the workplace. Can’t say I am overjoyed with the turn out. I want out actually but the wisest thing to do now is to wait it out. Hmmm lots of outs here. Some say just be happy with your lot. My mind tells me something. But what is God saying? Glorify God in whatever you do. Wherever you are. So I think as long as I am here I just have to do my best, until that best won’t be good enough for all concerned. That depends on what standard they will base it on. I think when that time comes, God will make a way for me so that I can continue doing my best, for Him. Be it here still, or somewhere else. I have to keep my eyes, heart and ears open for His green light.

July 4, 2008

The wisdom verse

Filed under: Life stuff,Spiritual,Work life — carnationzky @ 3:32 am
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Photo courtesy of Nonoy Nietes

A timely verse for me here in the workplace. Lord, yes, please give me wisdom so I will know how to deal with difficulties and complications that arise as I do my work here in the office. Help me to be Christlike in my reactions and responses to harassment and other forms of oppression. I thank You for Your presence that reminds me to look up and soar beyond the situation, and to see the big picture. Thank you, Lord, for life is not just confined within the four walls of this office. There is a higher calling, and I need your wisdom to guide my thoughts so I will not be bogged down by the mundane things of everyday life. Open my eyes and heart to the many opportunities to bring glory to You by living as You want me to. Thank You that I am not alone here. You are with me.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting,for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways, will receive anything from the Lord”.James 1:5-8

June 24, 2008

Frank, what have you done?

Filed under: Events — carnationzky @ 4:30 pm
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So many were left homeless and without anything...relief work going on to clothe and feed them.We woke up with shock to hear what happened a few days ago in the Philippines, particularly in my province, Antique, and nearby provinces in Panay Island. Frank the super-super typhoon caused havoc and destruction, flash floods – from water rushing from the mountains, burst dams, high tide coinciding with lots of water, strong waves and winds causing ships and barges to overturn and sink, loss of many lives … Most of the places destroyed are rice growing areas. The rice has just been planted, so come October, there will not be enough rice to harvest. Even before the storm the country, as in other places, was already facing many crises, from economic to political, and now this … If we do not have hope, we will think that it is the end of the world. But thank God, there is always hope. As long as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the afternoon, there is hope. And during these troubled times, with people grieving for their lost loved ones, with people rendered homeless, penniless, facing starvation and thirst, and many more … we have hope because those who have something to share are giving hope to all those affected. The outpouring of love and care and devotion to help in so many ways, from both near and far, goes beyond duty. We could not just turn away from this situation. Let us do our part in helping, wherever we are, so those affected will not lose hope. That they can keep looking up to heaven to thank Him who compels all to love and to help and to give. Thanks to everybody who has helped in one way or another … let us continue with the good works which God has prepared for us in advance to do.

Check these links for more info and for photos: http://www.kinaray-a.com; http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-38998

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